"I don't know why I don't know"

Two weeks ago, I introduced The Mantra©, which is from our book Motherhood - Is It For Me? Your Step-by-Step Guide to Clarity. The Mantra is a series of validating statements that you can repeat to yourself when you're anxious about your motherhood indecision. Our hope is that The Mantra will help calm and center you while you're figuring things out.

Last time, I focused on the first line of the mantra: "I don't know." Today, we'll look at the next two lines: "I don't know why I don't know," and "It's not my fault that I don't know." Keep reading to discover how these two lines can bring you comfort.

The Mantra

I don’t know.
I don’t know why I don’t know.
It’s not my fault that I don’t know.
It’s okay that I don’t know.
I have had clarity before about many things.
My true desire matters and no one can know it better than I.
I am the definer of me.
The answers will come because they never left.
Only I can know what’s true for me... It’s all within me.

(Excerpt from "Motherhood - Is It For Me? Your Step-by-Step Guide to Clarity" by Denise L. Carlini and Ann Davidman) 

I don’t know why I don’t know.

Many women believe that if they only knew why they don’t know, they would automatically arrive at the clarity and all would be well. But all is well right now. Even if you have an inkling about why you don’t yet know, trust that you don’t have access to all the pieces that are playing parts in your truth, and that you don’t need to. For right now you simply don’t know. The details of why are unimportant at this point, and trying to figure them out prematurely only distracts you from your goal of achieving clarity.

You can be sure of one thing: The reason you don’t know is a good reason. It might be due to any number of things, including societal pressure, unresolved childhood problems or other hurts, the belief that you don’t matter, a general feeling of shame, or possibly a combination of factors. The pain or discomfort you experience when you’re not aligned with your true self disconnects you further from your knowing. 

It’s not my fault that I don’t know.

We all have personal struggles, and while we are accountable for our actions, we are not to be blamed for our struggles. If something hurtful happened in your childhood and the outcome has turned into a personal struggle, you’re not to be blamed for that. If you internalized an inaccurate belief about yourself due to earlier events, you are not to blame. It is true that it’s up to you to heal the injury that caused the struggle or difficulty; however, that is different from blaming yourself for the struggle that has kept you stuck. We hope you can let go of self-blame while you allow your journey to unfold.